Sports Talk with Jeremy

Jeremy Henderson, Staff Writer

It is time to talk sports and getting that thoughtful feedback. I know you hate watching sports on television, and you would rather go to the actual game after painting your face with flamboyant colors. The colors have to match the t-shirts on sale in the entrance. With baseball and softball, you are at the mercy of the weather, but the hotdogs oozing with mustard are only one buck. You can voice your cheers with a passion just like football. Stick that pigskin in his gut! Well, you can get a little rowdier with football as long as the coach does not hear you talk smack about him. This is confusing. Watching baseball is fun and relaxing. Watching football is fun and intense. I cannot figure out which is better. Wait a minute. There are cheerleaders at football games and the stadium looks bigger. Of course, this is college we are discussing. Any comments?

I would rather not discuss golf. Tennis is cool to watch as long as it is not thirty degrees and windy. Listen to the sound of that ball getting wacked around. I prefer soccer. These players have calf muscles the size of a beach ball. I almost forgot about wrestling. Wrestling is one of my favorite sports. Nowadays, it is preparing people for the UFC. You are definitely going to stick wrestling on your resume. Check out the head gear. I need a cheeseburger and fries. Actually, a salad will do me well right now. I wish we had boxing and hockey locally.

Let’s not forget volleyball and basketball. The atmosphere is so uplifting in the gym with the lights and sounds. I feel like part of the action. I could watch them play for hours, and I once thought about making a rap beat demo to give the teams. I wondered if they might play some music I made during the breaks. I love the concept of mixing music with sports. When those girls hit the court, I can feel drums. When they smile and wave, I hear trumpets and keyboards playing.

When it comes to track and field, I am thrilled. Running is my favorite exercise next to swimming and bicycling. However, I always feel pain in my knees when I watch runners hit the concrete repetitively. God designed human beings to run on soft surfaces not boiling or freezing blacktop. Does anybody know a good diet for a runner? What about seafood, sugarless deserts, and lots of bottled water?

Let’s talk about bowling. I do not want to miss any sports. I am infatuated with them all! When watching bowling in person, I am eating chips off my chest and drinking Sierra Mist. The dim lighting makes me glad I am not on a date. I almost feel like I am at the movies, but there are pool tables everywhere. That smooth floor is like a rock concert stage. The rock stars come out with slick shoes, wavy shirts, and taped wrists. I smell feet. Suddenly, I look over and one of the players has holey socks covered in cat hair. Grouse! Is that athlete’s foot I see peeking at me from afar?

Out of all the sports we have discussed, I am sure you have your favorites. Hopefully, your pick is not NASCAR. Why would I say that? It is because monster trucks are way better! Look at those big machines slinging mud and flipping. The driver gets out and waves screaming, “I am fine; I love you momma!” Listen to the trucks rev up! Look at the graphics design. Each truck has its own niche. You might show up to a monster truck rally expecting a trophy to get passed, but what you are going to find is a tire rolling away from an overturned beast of a truck. The tread on those tires remind me of a fresh pair of giant steel toe boots. I wonder how a monster truck would do on an Alaska terrain.